Many articles, movies and publications have made reference in a myriad of communication streams that the three primary desires that human beings have are: The desire to be important and influential, the desire to love and belong and the desire to be happy.
Without even looking at external influences, think about yourself for a moment. What do you want the most? What would fulfil you in your life?
I bet you that your answers are along the lines of wanting to be influential and for people to know and resonate with your work, that you want to be in a loving relationship and feel at peace with your loved ones and finally that you want to be happy.
The essence of human desires fall within these 3 parameters: important and influential, to love and be loved and to be happy. The rest of these parameters – whichever they may be – fall within these three distinct categories of burning desire.
An in-depth analogy of these desires:
1. The Desire To Be Important and Influential
To get a bit of a feeler on this desire, l wrote an article a couple of months ago that touched on this very subject of wanting to be important. There is no shame in admitting that you want to be known, that you want your work to be recognised and that you want to provide significant value in the lives of others.
Our desire for feeling important stems from the societal constructs that place higher value in those who make life-changing decisions to help others. Such is our society! You desire to feel important because you too want to be known for your work and the impact you make in the lives of others. You want to be an influencer in life.
We all want it. It is innate in humanity to want the best for ourselves and we figure that to get the best we must stand out from the rest.
Your desire to be influential is a burning desire that if not channelled properly or lays permanently dormant will most likely lead to resentment for those who have attained a massive level of influence in society.
As human beings, we all want to feel like our existence matters, that our purpose in life is lived to its fullest potential and that ultimately our very existence means that we are here to change the world.
These may sound like grandiose desires, but they are not. They make us. They give us restless nights. They propel in us a desire to start acting to make an impact.
The funny thing about desire is that if it is left unchecked it can cause consequences that are the polar opposite of your intention.
If your desire to be influential lays dormant and you don’t utilise it, you will be in the category of those who end up resenting those who are influential. Such is the working of desire. Keep it dormant and you will not be happy with the results.
Surely you don’t want to live a life of resentment!
Surely you want to have a heart that is genuinely happy for those who have made a success of their lives.
If you allow your desire for importance to remain unexplored, you will remain with wishes that you will forever wish came to fruition.
By this time not only would you have built resentment within you for those who have become influential in life, but you will find less savoury ways to feel important. This is when you start committing criminal activities as a way to feel important and to validate your existence.
There is no integrity in crime. Do you mean to tell me that you ultimately want to be known as the person who has caused nothing but pain in the lives of others? Is that your grand plan in life?
Channelling your desire to be important and influential should be done in the right channels – legal channels.
Be the one that builds instead of destroying, feeds instead of stealing, and provides valuable lessons instead of imparting horrible lessons.
Be a good influencer of change in your life and before you know it you will have people following your vision.
2. The Desire To Love/Be Loved And Belong
Ours is a species that craves love. We thrive on it. Heck, we do whatever it takes to attain love – sometimes to our detriment. We fight for love, we cry for love, we steal for love, we work for love, and we fuel our passions for love. We are teeming with love from every pore of our human bodies.
We are products of love.
It makes sense that we should therefore want love to be in us and for us to emit it to others.
The desire to love and be loved is one that stems from our deepest core that presses upon us to see love as validation that we are worthy of being.
Remember that if you feel that no one loves you (which can never be true of course – there is always at least one person who loves and cares about you) you begin to doubt your worthiness to others.
Whether we would readily admit this or not, in as much as we can have internal anchors and sense of self that has a strong and resolute mind, we do occasionally succumb to external influences. Just think if no one ever told you they loved you.
How would that make you feel?
My guess is it would make you feel shitty. Think about it. You would ask yourself if there is something wrong with you that people cannot – for the life of them – find it in them to tell you they love you.
The desire to love and be loved is so strong such that it has moved mountains, has built and torn down nations in equal measure.
Think about your family for a moment. If you come from a family that never shows you they love you and your family is what society would call dysfunctional, what kind of adult would that make you be long-term?
We can argue that one can completely divorce themselves from past circumstances (and it has been known to happen – yeay to the power of determination!), but with that said, there will be lingering feelings that will attach themselves in you and present themselves in your adult life masked in others forms of feelings.
Perhaps they present themselves in a manner where you find yourself not being able to commit to relationships (insert commitment-phobia here). Perhaps you find yourself fearing being abandoned.
All of these residual feelings stem from the desire to love and to be loved – the abundance of love or the lack of it playing an integral part in the way you perceive love.
The desire to belong is intertwined with the desire to love and be loved.
As a human species, we love to belong. Damn, don’t we just! Remember that cool group in high school you wanted to belong to so badly because you also wanted to look cool? That is a prime example of the desire to belong. We form groups – whether this is a group of friends, co-workers, entrepreneurs – to share our ideologies and bond over the commonalities that bring us together.
Don’t you just love the beautiful feeling of knowing you belong to a clique, to a close-knit group that understands your craziness and eccentricities?
Oh don’t even begin to lie about this, it feels good to be understood, even just by 1 person.
Even those of us who ditch the rules and status quo still want to belong to a group of like-minded people who are rule breakers and disruptors. We were made to love interaction (introverts, this includes you too).
We were made to find solace in people who understand and identify with our visions and dreams. Oh the essence of humanity! Gotta admire the way we actively seek for common attributes with those around us. Like for like, it is said.
The desire to belong is so deep-seated that even if you are someone who enjoys solitude, you sometimes want to break that solitude for a bit of interaction. It is part of our makeup.
The best way to embrace such is to accept it wholeheartedly that we are beings who love belonging and therefore fit ever so snuggly in its welcoming gloves.
3. The Desire To Be Happy
Happiness comes packaged in many neat boxes that are being used by people for different reasons. In one box your happiness could be derived from being comfortable with the life you currently have.
In yet another box the happiness derived would be from being successful and living the life of your dreams. In another box happiness could be wrapped as a gift for being content with your circumstances – wealthy or not.
Everybody wants to be happy at the core – yes, even those badass hard-core delinquents in our society also crave happiness. It becomes tricky when you start attempting to define what happiness means.
We must remember that what you define as happiness will be different from how others around you define happiness. Perhaps you feel that you would be happy with a flush bank account. Somebody else would find happiness by providing value to others and making an impact in their lives. Others perhaps derive happiness from the simple pleasures of life like eating good food and eating their favourite ice-cream.
The take home message about the desire for happiness is the fact that you should find your own happiness. Find out what makes you happy and seek to attain it – if you haven’t already.
A happier you represents one happier person in society. Happiness is contagious. Your sheer radiance of happiness will attract others and they will gravitate towards you. We were not made to be miserable in life. Misery is circumstantial, but happiness has the potential to last longer.
One important message to be remembered is that our happiness should come from within. We should not be dependent on external validation for happiness. We will always fall short when we do that.
The desire to be happy should be one that comes with understanding yourself and what your needs are. Having a better understanding of yourself will increase your chances of knowing exactly what it is you require for a happier, fulfilling life.
The desire to be happy is one we crave with every fibre of our being. It validates our existence – happiness and love intertwined is quite the combo!
So there you have it dear being.
The 3 burning desires that are part of your natural makeup at the core define you. The sooner you understand, accept and ultimately embrace them is the sooner you can take the steps towards being a better person who is a positive force in the lives of others.