Unless you are the odd ball individual who always speaks his/her mind at every turn (bluntness being your forte), most of us tend to take the diplomatic approach to life and try to balance things out – trying to deliver your message in a way that doesn’t scream ,‘ you are sooo rude!’ and trying to be ‘soft’ in delivering your observation to others.
Is diplomacy always the best approach in dealing with issues? No, it’s not always the best approach. Some situations call for you to tell the recipient of your message exactly how you feel.
Of course you should keep in mind that you can do that without being rude or callous about it. Being open about how you TRULY feel is freeing. The last thing you want is for you to be left feeling like you didn’t say exactly what you had intended to say. Diplomacy doesn’t always have a place in the art of expression.
Sometimes you just have to lay it all bare – gritty, raw and honest (warts and all). Telling half-truths is incredibly unsatisfactory. The next question then becomes : if I am not diplomatic in how I convey my feelings of hurt (insert any other feeling here that will prompt you to want to sit someone down for a talk), how am I supposed to tell someone how I feel without hurting their feelings?
The truth here is that you cannot predict how someone else will react. It’s impossible to anticipate how someone else will react to your ‘pouring-my-heart-out’ moment. What you should aim for when you need to talk about how something makes you feel is to make sure you address ALL the concerns that bothered you to the point where you felt the need to tell the recipient. You will NOT be satisfied if you address partial concerns. They will still bother you afterwards.
Ditch diplomacy in favour of conveying a message that you need to convey – in a way that shows that you are serious about the issue at hand. I hate to say this, but sometimes being blunt is what is needed to get a point across.
A blunt point jolts you out of the comfort of diplomacy. You find yourself thinking, ‘wait, did you just say that?’ Well, it certainly got your attention, didn’t it? Sometimes diplomacy is not a welcome solution to lingering issues.
Of course what should be clarified here is that this all depends on the type of relationship you have with the person you need to address your issues with. If someone is your friend, it will be easier to be blunt. No one likes being told something they don’t want to hear in a blunt tone, but sometimes it’s needed, especially if it will be something that benefits you or has the intent of making you a better person.
Look, it’s great to have an overall ethos of being mindful of what you say to others because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. That makes you a cool human being. That being said, some things need to be said in a more ‘harsher’ tone to get the point across about the seriousness/severity of the issue that needs to be addressed.
If the person who addresses these issues with you sees that you are going on the wayside, would you rather they sugarcoat the fact that you are going astray or would you want them to be honest with you? You can’t always expect people to tell you something the way you would like to receive it. Again, you can be blunt without being callous. You can state matter-of-factly without coming off as brash. Your goal should always be to convey your true feelings about something. If it means ditching diplomacy in favour of bluntness, then so be it.
Bluntness has been given such a bad name that the mere mention of it makes people want to look the other way or run for the hills.
Don’t hold back when there is something that has been gnawing at you for a while and you need to address it. Say it like it is – perhaps with a bit of finesse (it wouldn’t hurt to use refinery as an art form).
The ultimate reason you address the issues you do is because you want a resolution. Make sure that you don’t leave things hanging with no solution. You are the one who then has to go back to your ‘normalcy’ and if you don’t feel that you sufficiently addressed all that you needed to, then you will be deeply unsatisfied.
In life, you must never leave things hanging. Talk and solve. Period. If it means leaving diplomacy at the door then so be it. Diplomacy will not always be your saviour. Just remember of course that even in your honest approach, you must not intend to hurt the next person with your words. Callousness is unacceptable.
Bluntness is permitted, but not callousness. Don’t say something with no regard for the next person. Be blunt, but mindful. When diplomacy has to be ditched for your particular issue, then opt for honest mindfulness.
It’s not easy to navigate between being diplomatic and being blunt. Only you will know when a situation calls for diplomacy and when a situation calls for a more heavy handed approach.
There will be a time when diplomacy will not be your saviour. Don’t hold back when something needs to be said. Say it with honesty. It will relieve your pent-up frustrations.
Sometimes you need to kick diplomacy to the curb. It has its place surely – make no mistake, diplomacy is a highly sought after trait – but sometimes it’s not the best approach to take when addressing certain issues.
Don’t hold back when something is bothering you. Communicate it honestly. Diplomacy will not always be your coveted saviour.